Princess Beatrice's birthday is on Monday, and what better way is there to celebrate her 23 years than with a review of her biggest trademark? That's right, I'm talking about the things she puts on her head. (Really, calling them hats gets a little sketchy when you dig this deep.)
Perhaps it's a royal way of staying high fashion, or perhaps it's just a reaction to an unfortunate hatted youth, but Beatrice's millinery choices have made her infamous.
We are obligated to begin with the obvious offenders:
The English pretzel/Medusa creature/suspended toilet seat/stylized lady business/gift wrapped internet meme of the royal wedding, in addition to the gang of butterflies that viciously attacked her head at a previous royal wedding.
But there's more, my friends; so much more. And it's not all bad, mind you.
Flora, fauna, bows and bobs; sometimes Bea's millinery is pretty innocuous. But that's not the fun part.
The fun part comes when she lets herself loose in the world of fascinator fashion.
I'm pretty sure that one on the left is just the remnants of someone's office paper shredder. Better or worse than repurposed teacups?
Sometimes she opts for the fascinators that just come straight out of the side of the head. One must be careful not to sit beside people with ticklish faces while wearing that center one.
Then you have my least favorite fascinator position: bolted straight on the center of the forehead. Hazardous for the eyesight (yes, that 3rd one is indeed the same as above). Also hazardous for general attractiveness, I must say, be they satellite dishes, gift boxes, or plates of varying fashions.
If you think she might be better off if she just ditched the fascinator trend, well, I might beg to differ.
Okay, okay, she gets a pass for the "Beatrice" hat, it's only here because it makes me giggle. But there are no passes for that upturned piece of purple pottery.
Ridiculous as the overall effect may sometimes be, some of these hats are quite impressive on their own. It's a public service she's performing here, you see: fodder for us to giggle about and a push on the boundaries of millinery art, all at once. What a collection this must be. Material for a future summer exhibit at Buckingham Palace, perhaps?
Seriously, where else can you see traditional overgrown English foliage
and things stolen from Tim Burton's brain together? This exhibit needs to happen.
I hope they include my favorites.
Only appropriate to end on the loveliest of notes, don't you think?
Do you have a favorite for pure attractiveness, or for pure craziness?
